was going in to space and I saw a weird planet so we pulled into the weird planet, it was fun there but I saw 1000 old wet trees. The trees looked like a war there it smelled like wet trees and wet grass. It was creepy and then we went to the red bridge and the sky was black, red, gray, and with something in the sky that made it creepier than a monster with flammable eyes with a sharp nose. It’s so creepy man just help me get back home please my spaceship brock down Please just help me please.
The end.
Kia ora Joseph.
ReplyDeleteMy name is Maddie I am a year 7 from YMS.
I really enjoyed that you have learnt how to base an amazing story of a picture. when you first saw this picture what did you think?
I really liked how you added in the colors and sizes Kai Pai.
I think that the best bit was the fourth sentence I think that it was really cool that you described the sky with a simile good job.
Here at Yaldhurst we have also been writing about a picture and basing our story of the picture we call them long writes have you done any others.
I think to improve this story you could add in some more writing to make it longer and more of a story to give the readers a really good idea of what's going on who you are and how you got there.
Kai Pai.
-Maddie.
Kia ora thank you for your comment please follow my blog to see what I am learning about.
ReplyDeleteHello Joseph.I like that you have used some great descriptive words.You have used your imagination well.I wonder who you could call to help you fix your spaceship.Did you get to pick the picture you wrote about or did the teacher tell you you were writing about this one?I look forward to hearing from you.
ReplyDeleteHi Joseph, it's Mikael from Yaldhurst school. I really like the creativity of your writing. You have used some cool descriptive words. Next time I think you should try to write a little bit more because it is a bit small apart, from that it is pretty good. And don't you think that the "trees" look like dead bodies.
ReplyDeleteHello Joseph.
ReplyDeleteThis is just a comment to let you know that I have seen your blog tonight.
Have a good day.
Hi there my name is Liam and I am a year 8 student from Yaldhurst school. I really love the way you have used the photo and how you have done your writing. Next time I think that maybe you could make a bit longer because I did not would to stop reading your amazing story.
ReplyDelete